Monday
July 30 '07
school starts tmr.
P119:9,10,11,105
Friday
July 6 '07
This was written in 2003. It's amazing how far God's grace has sustained me.
The first incident that came to my mind would be the death of my close friend Tyrone. Tyrone was my primary school schoolmate, basketball teammate and a great friend to have.
In the year 2000 April 30th afternoon, I received news that Tyrone died. I thought my friend was joking but after confirming with many others, the reality of the event started to sink in. I went for Tyrone's wake that night with my primary school basketball team captain. It was a Christian wake and there was the pastor leading the people into some singing. I was even more lost when my captain started singing along and I had no clue what to do! My initial brush with Christianity was not going well. After some of Tyrone's relatives and church friends delivered his eulogy, the pastor began to give a short little speech. He made a reference to John 11:35(which of course then I had no idea what it's all about). The verse referred to Jesus weeping for the death of Lazarus. Just 2 simple words "Jesus wept." That didn't have much of an impact on me until the pastor said "Just remember that when you are crying for Tyrone here, God is crying for him too." I left the wake with a very heavy heart and a sentence that seemed to be stuck in my mind.
The next day was Tyrone's cremation at Mount Vernon. I couldn't make it because of some work I had to finish. I did remember that the wake was supposed to be at 2.30pm from the day before. After finishing my work I glanced at the clock. 2.30pm. I felt overwhelmed by my inability to be there to see Tyrone off and the sadness with Tyrone's sudden departure. It was then I looked out of the window and thought, "Whoever you are up there, you better take care of Tyrone for me." Then I broke into silent tears. Just at that very moment, in bright daylight and the mid-day sun shining so brightly, it started to rain. It was a very sudden rain and that caught my attention. The sun's scorching and there you have a downpour! As sudden as the heavy rain came, it stopped. The whole incident couldn't have lasted more than 2 minutes. Did God just cry? It seemed to me like it was so. Immediately I felt a sense of relief and peace within me. That incident further inscribed the sentence "When you are crying for Tyrone here, God is crying for him too."
I didn't receive Christ there and then. It wasn't until much later that I made the first move to know God. At the end of the year 2001, I was a total wreck. It was the lowest point in my life as I struggled to cope with school. I had failed half of my subjects and was due to be retained for Seconday 3. I was given a second chance though to take the re-exams after everyone went for holidays. Still I was really down in the pits then. It was then my sister went for an evangelical program and came back with a little booklet that illustrated the 4 spiritual laws. I read through that booklet and at the end of it was the prayer for salvation. I recited word for word with my mouth the prayer. It gave me peace within myself for awhile but just like drugs wearing off, I was soon slumped into depression again.
I woke up one Sunday morning and felt a voice in my head saying "Maybe you should go to church." It was so strong I asked my dad to drive me to the nearest church. That is how I landed up at BPMC WOW. It would have been crazy to be spending my Sunday morning in a church when I would be better off at a library revising my work for the re-exams. I was also like a lost sheep when I didn't know where to go initially. Thankfully Aunty Deborah directed me to the other youths. That is how I ended up I joining William's DG and later the worship service. The service was just like the one I had a Tyrone's wake in a sense that I had no clue what to do. Still, I had fun interacting with the youths and making new friends. Yet 'socialising' is not really a priority as I had my re-exams to take care of! Somehow I still managed to go back for WOW DG and service every Sunday right up to the one before my re-exams on the next day. I must thank everyone for their prayers then because I passed the re-exams and was promoted to Secondary 4.
The day I received Christ was December 7th during the WOW annual camp. The speaker for the camp, uncle Jacob was very inspiring and I must thank him for some of the important fundamental concept to Christianity. Still, the conversion was Spirit-led and this time, the prayer for salvation seems to flow from within my heart, not from my mouth. I could look back at that day and I felt an overwhelming sense of relief. Not that kind of peace that I felt when I realised I could make it to Secondary 4. It was the knowledge that I know where I'm heading, a feeling that I have a direction in my life and that's God's direction for me.
Previously I used to be a stubborn person, very full of myself. Pride caused many downfalls in my life and after each failure I looked back towards my pride and expect it to carry me back to from where I fell. Indeed the higher you are the harder you fall. I have been living on empty praises, borrowed success, self confessed pride. All these things are transient and once they disappeared from my life, I plummetted. Thankfully God was there to lift me up when I needed him. I couldn't say that I have a 180 degrees change but I felt like I am a completely different person. I dare say that it's the WOW camp which had such an impact on me. The camp verse from 1 Corinthians 5:17 "Therefore if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come!" provided a straightforward answer. Thanks to the wonder of God and His goodness, I'm coping well with His grace.
Looking back at my Secondary 4 year, I wouldn't have crossed a major hurdle in my life without God. The O levels were looming and with the past results I achieved, it is no wonder I became very worried about doing well in the O levels. Yet the harder I try to improve on my score, the less result I seem to achieve. My score did not improve and as the days to O levels approached I became more and more worried about qualifying for a JC. It was then I remembered that during WOW camp last year, uncle Jacob explained a very important concept about being obedient to God's will. Not only doing that in church, but applying that to every aspect of your life. He mentioned that for us to truly be obedient, we have to "let go and let God". This concept sunk in and I realised why I have not been able to experience God's presence in the academic area of my life. Immediately I prayed to God asking for forgiveness, I wanted to do His will, not mine! The only way I could do it is to submit to His sovereign plan. I knew then I have to let go of all my expectations for the exams(6 points, making it to HCJC etc) and let God. One important revelation I discovered is that even though God has a plan for me, I still have to go through the motions, working hard and doing my best. However this time as I endeavoured for excellent results, I could feel the lessening of my burden and worries. Whatever doubts I had about my results were casted away as I focused on doing my best for the exams. The results? I'll just leave it to God.
Another concept that uncle Jacob has taught during camp was never to steal God's glory. I'll let God's goodness speak for itself. I just want to give all glory and honour to God. Without Him, I'll just be nothing.
Tuesday
July 3 '07
